And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
