Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
