You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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