Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
