he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
