She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
