It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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