If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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