Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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