I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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