I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Mom said you looked used
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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