I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
