The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
