she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Randomize
