Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
