Sorry, I don't speak sober.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize