maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
