I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
