I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
