May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
