i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
