Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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