dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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