We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
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