At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
