There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
