If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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