so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
When are your genitals available?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
