apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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