Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
