just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
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