i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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