thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
