Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
