Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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