also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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