i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
