you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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