Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
