At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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