When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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