I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
