The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
