I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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