im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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