Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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