pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Randomize
