Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
