oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
