He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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