Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
