i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
