So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
