I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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