the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
