Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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