Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize