I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
