they need to just BURY HIM!
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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