Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you didnt know i had herpes?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
