i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
