I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize