So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
