that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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