I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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