why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i dont even know how to be here
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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