White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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