Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
