If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
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We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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