One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
