I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So gin and wine won't be happening again
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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