Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize