I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
