You're a womanizer and a bitch.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You had me at "let me see your balls"
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