highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
