its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize