I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
