he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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