it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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