I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize