Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I deserve this hangover.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
