the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Screwed.edu
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
