Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize