Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
