At least make sure they are 18
Why
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
