Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
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