so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
this will be a night to untag.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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