he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
