Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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