he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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