"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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