3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
