Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
