I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
