get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
