Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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