Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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