you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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