Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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